Anti Depressants, BPD, dating, depression, updates

(Another) Life Update

I'm genuinely surprised it's been over a year since I last wrote a post! So naturally I don't know where to start. I suppose it'll be a life update. Since I last posted (June 2021), I became homeless. I still am, technically, but after 9 months in a council hostel I'm finally in a 1… Continue reading (Another) Life Update

dating, emotional abuse, journalling

When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFxA-5cPWSI tw: suicidal ideation, trauma ...it feels like the end of the world It might show up as an onslaught of tears that just won't stop. It might mean numbness, spiralling, dissociation. It might mean navigating the world stone-faced, through a grey lens, unfocused but also hyperfocused: unfocused on the world around us but hyperfocused… Continue reading When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…

dating, depression, Thinkpiece

Dating With Depression?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTDHobyS_DQ&ab_channel=HomeworkRadio Today I want to discuss the idea that you should wait until you're in a "good place" before you enter into relationship with someone else, and the degree to which this is an ableist perspective in the context of mental illness. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d6/13/2b/d6132b67bed66308b8b5d40206996799.gif I'm fairly happy being single at the moment. I feel as if… Continue reading Dating With Depression?

Anti Depressants

Three Weeks On Sertraline

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation and self-injury It's been over three weeks now since I started taking sertraline, an SSRI anti-depressant. Also known as Zoloft and Lustral amongst other things. In my last blog post, I ran over the initial side effects and how it felt during the adjustment period. Now I feel as if those… Continue reading Three Weeks On Sertraline

Anti Depressants, depression, journalling

First Week On Sertraline

I've written fairly extensively about my qualms about anti-depressive treatment. I won't go into depth now but I've written about it here and here. Not so long ago, I was feeling particularly resistant about taking them; maybe partly because my depressive illness had gotten so bad that I knew I might have to. But for… Continue reading First Week On Sertraline

depression, journalling

The Detrimental Impact of Toxic Shame

Trigger warning: self-harm and suicidal ideation * * * Alyse Parker, a YouTuber and life coach I follow, said in one of her recent videos that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. That was definitely a thought-provoker for me. Because I spend a lot of my time… Continue reading The Detrimental Impact of Toxic Shame

CPTSD, depression, emotional abuse, journalling, Uncategorized

Working Backwards: CPTSD

Chronic emotional abandonment devastates a child. It naturally makes her feel and appear deadened and depressed. Functional parents respond to a child's depression with concern and comfort. Abandoning parents respond to the child with anger, disgust and/or further abandonment, which in turn exacerbate the fear, shame and despair that become the abandonment mélange. Overreaction to… Continue reading Working Backwards: CPTSD

Anxiety, journalling

The Muddy Waters Of Covert Anxiety

I didn't think I'd see myself writing another post about anxiety - at least not in the context of my current experience. I wrote one particular post a while ago going in depth about my experiences with diagnosed anxiety and agoraphobia; and how receiving cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) dramatically improved my symptoms. Something I've been… Continue reading The Muddy Waters Of Covert Anxiety

depression, Thinkpiece

The Nuance of Depression + Recovery

In my last post, I discussed briefly the role of free will in the context of mental illness. It's such a colossal subject with so much scope to cover that of course I only scratched the surface. Today, I want to go into slightly more depth with this as my prompt: In the comment section… Continue reading The Nuance of Depression + Recovery

Anxiety, depression, Self Responsibility, Thoughts On...

Mental Illness + Free Will

I wrote a post about free will as it pertains to abuse a little while ago. The concept of free will interests me on a philosophical and psychological level because I think it's so nuanced. The main question it boils down to are the statements: you can't help it or you can help it. You can't help sleeping all… Continue reading Mental Illness + Free Will