https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZb-ITdDQXQ&ab_channel=HomeworkRadio "Don't date someone just because you're lonely," said my last fling when I ended things between us. Was the sheer emptiness of my life that obvious? I'd just become homeless a couple of months prior, so perhaps I was clinging to him out of despair and confusion. It's not like we were living together,… Continue reading On Loneliness
Category: journalling
When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFxA-5cPWSI tw: suicidal ideation, trauma ...it feels like the end of the world It might show up as an onslaught of tears that just won't stop. It might mean numbness, spiralling, dissociation. It might mean navigating the world stone-faced, through a grey lens, unfocused but also hyperfocused: unfocused on the world around us but hyperfocused… Continue reading When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…
Life Update
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZQzrqc9Uk8&ab_channel=HomeworkRadio What's new: I'm seeing someone, kindaI'm tired almost all the time (see below)I most likely have coeliac diseaseI'm about halfway through finishing my debut EP and first project as philomenahI broke up with my therapistI'm considering switching anti-depressants About the guy I'm seeing: he's not perfect. But he is lovely. Some things about him… Continue reading Life Update
Dating + Accountability
Instead of always focusing on why the men I attract cannot meet my needs, today I am going to hold my hands up and admit that I attract emotionally unavailable people and explore why. I listened to a podcast the other day with Mark Groves and Damona Hoffman. Damona is a dating coach and specialises… Continue reading Dating + Accountability
First Week On Sertraline
I've written fairly extensively about my qualms about anti-depressive treatment. I won't go into depth now but I've written about it here and here. Not so long ago, I was feeling particularly resistant about taking them; maybe partly because my depressive illness had gotten so bad that I knew I might have to. But for… Continue reading First Week On Sertraline
So Filled With Beauty, So Filled With Pain
The past couple of days I have felt very open to emotional experience and very willing to love. I worked in a very hectic pharmacy yesterday, and with a pharmacist who had a somewhat bad reputation within the company. She was obsessive, eccentric, intellectually-preocuppied, highly methodical and certainly neurotic. But she was also intensely likeable.… Continue reading So Filled With Beauty, So Filled With Pain
Thoughts On…Refusing Medication
Trigger warning: suicidal ideation. * * * I've wanted to leave this earth forever countless times. I first wrote a song about it at age 15. How unoriginally "angsty" of me. What are teenagers like, eh? Not a care in the world yet somehow still finding something to whinge about. Human despair is a strange… Continue reading Thoughts On…Refusing Medication
The Detrimental Impact of Toxic Shame
Trigger warning: self-harm and suicidal ideation * * * Alyse Parker, a YouTuber and life coach I follow, said in one of her recent videos that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. That was definitely a thought-provoker for me. Because I spend a lot of my time… Continue reading The Detrimental Impact of Toxic Shame
Shadow Work + God-Consciousness
Something I've been struggling with a lot lately is social media. And just my phone in general. I'm finding it veeeeery difficult to limit my usage and I feel like my third eye is so clouded at the moment. Round about the new moon in Cancer a few weeks ago, I did have a very… Continue reading Shadow Work + God-Consciousness
Somebody Else
Trigger warning: disordered eating, restriction and emotional abuse * * * First of all, and potentially last of all, she's prettier than me. There was a sinking feeling of sorts, when I happened across her page. Ah, I see it. I see what he sees in her. Because she's prettier than me. Prettier than me,… Continue reading Somebody Else
philomenah's safe space 