https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFxA-5cPWSI tw: suicidal ideation, trauma ...it feels like the end of the world It might show up as an onslaught of tears that just won't stop. It might mean numbness, spiralling, dissociation. It might mean navigating the world stone-faced, through a grey lens, unfocused but also hyperfocused: unfocused on the world around us but hyperfocused… Continue reading When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…
Category: emotional abuse
Shadow Work + God-Consciousness
Something I've been struggling with a lot lately is social media. And just my phone in general. I'm finding it veeeeery difficult to limit my usage and I feel like my third eye is so clouded at the moment. Round about the new moon in Cancer a few weeks ago, I did have a very… Continue reading Shadow Work + God-Consciousness
Somebody Else
Trigger warning: disordered eating, restriction and emotional abuse * * * First of all, and potentially last of all, she's prettier than me. There was a sinking feeling of sorts, when I happened across her page. Ah, I see it. I see what he sees in her. Because she's prettier than me. Prettier than me,… Continue reading Somebody Else
Today Was…
Today was...dragging my feet at work. My sleep has been poor this past week and a lot of the tasks at the pharmacy are pretty tedious at the moment so there was a lot of checking my phone, getting distracted and feeling guilty because of it. Today was...something he'd said replaying in my head over… Continue reading Today Was…
Working Backwards: CPTSD
Chronic emotional abandonment devastates a child. It naturally makes her feel and appear deadened and depressed. Functional parents respond to a child's depression with concern and comfort. Abandoning parents respond to the child with anger, disgust and/or further abandonment, which in turn exacerbate the fear, shame and despair that become the abandonment mélange. Overreaction to… Continue reading Working Backwards: CPTSD
Desire Is Not Respect: Attraction + Trauma Bonding
Something that's changed for me significantly in the past few years is the way I approach attraction and romantic interest. This is quite encouraging for me because experiencing frequent bouts of depression sometimes makes me feel that everything is stagnant and that there's no point to anything; so it's really nice to feel like despite… Continue reading Desire Is Not Respect: Attraction + Trauma Bonding
A Visit Home, Emotional Separation + Maintaining Boundaries
This time last week, I was back in Shetland for the first time in 1½ years. Prior to this, I'd found myself growing unusually homesick. Seeing people on social media doing the regular, banal things like frequenting the dingy local bars and taking coastal walks was sending pangs of nostalgia through me. So I figured… Continue reading A Visit Home, Emotional Separation + Maintaining Boundaries
Thoughts On… Abuse + Free Will
I had an exchange with a couple of people on an Instagram post the other day. The post was about controlling parents and it presented the idea that when we emotionally separate from controlling parents, their response can tell us whether they truly love us or if they just love the control they have over… Continue reading Thoughts On… Abuse + Free Will
🌫Power Roles + Loneliness🌫
The idea of power roles came up in my counselling session today. I was talking about the ongoing difficulty of maintaining boundaries in the relationship with my Dad. For those who have read quite a few of my blog posts (thank you!), you might be aware of the situation with my Dad; but for those… Continue reading 🌫Power Roles + Loneliness🌫
“It’s Just A Joke” – The Many Faces Of Emotional Abuse
Any time I've found myself in a truly toxic situation or dynamic, it hasn't been until after the fact that I've been able to acknowledge it. It's difficult to categorise someone's words or actions as abusive when you feel fondness towards them. When you love someone - romantically or otherwise - you feel as if… Continue reading “It’s Just A Joke” – The Many Faces Of Emotional Abuse
philomenah's safe space 