journalling, Thoughts On...

On Loneliness "Don't date someone just because you're lonely," said my last fling when I ended things between us. Was the sheer emptiness of my life that obvious? I'd just become homeless a couple of months prior, so perhaps I was clinging to him out of despair and confusion. It's not like we were living together,… Continue reading On Loneliness

Anti Depressants, BPD, dating, depression, updates

(Another) Life Update

I'm genuinely surprised it's been over a year since I last wrote a post! So naturally I don't know where to start. I suppose it'll be a life update. Since I last posted (June 2021), I became homeless. I still am, technically, but after 9 months in a council hostel I'm finally in a 1… Continue reading (Another) Life Update


10 Things I’ve Learned About Dating at 25: Part 1 1. Some men prefer to communicate through silence Here I'm referring specifically to the phenomenon of being "left on read". I read somewhere recently that "silence is also an answer". Maybe they lost their phone, maybe they didn't see the notification, maybe they "don't use this app very much" - and maybe for… Continue reading 10 Things I’ve Learned About Dating at 25: Part 1

dating, emotional abuse, journalling

When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered… tw: suicidal ideation, trauma feels like the end of the world It might show up as an onslaught of tears that just won't stop. It might mean numbness, spiralling, dissociation. It might mean navigating the world stone-faced, through a grey lens, unfocused but also hyperfocused: unfocused on the world around us but hyperfocused… Continue reading When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…

Creativity + Productivity Updates, journalling, updates

Life Update What's new: I'm seeing someone, kindaI'm tired almost all the time (see below)I most likely have coeliac diseaseI'm about halfway through finishing my debut EP and first project as philomenahI broke up with my therapistI'm considering switching anti-depressants About the guy I'm seeing: he's not perfect. But he is lovely. Some things about him… Continue reading Life Update

dating, depression, Thinkpiece

Dating With Depression? Today I want to discuss the idea that you should wait until you're in a "good place" before you enter into relationship with someone else, and the degree to which this is an ableist perspective in the context of mental illness. I'm fairly happy being single at the moment. I feel as if… Continue reading Dating With Depression?


A Reintroduction Not sure how to begin this blog post but I now go under the handle of ph!lomenah! This blog used to be called SMUT. and Self Esteem and it's now ph!lomenah's safe space. My stage name as a musician used to be SMUT. and now it' get the gist. I decided it fairly spontaneously… Continue reading A Reintroduction

dating, journalling, Self Responsibility

Dating + Accountability

Instead of always focusing on why the men I attract cannot meet my needs, today I am going to hold my hands up and admit that I attract emotionally unavailable people and explore why. I listened to a podcast the other day with Mark Groves and Damona Hoffman. Damona is a dating coach and specialises… Continue reading Dating + Accountability


Conscious Avoidance

At work this week, the topic of relationships came up and I mentioned to a colleague that I wanted to stay single for 2 years. One pharmacist I was working with overheard me and seemed aghast, gasping: "That's so sad!" "Not as sad as being a relationship that makes you miserable," I replied, defending my… Continue reading Conscious Avoidance

Anti Depressants

Three Weeks On Sertraline

Trigger warning: suicidal ideation and self-injury It's been over three weeks now since I started taking sertraline, an SSRI anti-depressant. Also known as Zoloft and Lustral amongst other things. In my last blog post, I ran over the initial side effects and how it felt during the adjustment period. Now I feel as if those… Continue reading Three Weeks On Sertraline