https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QU_1o5j2PhU https://64.media.tumblr.com/faa83adcd8e0a334cc8f7eacacdb2d65/tumblr_pd80b1Dpqr1xv3l02o1_640.gif 1. Some men prefer to communicate through silence Here I'm referring specifically to the phenomenon of being "left on read". I read somewhere recently that "silence is also an answer". Maybe they lost their phone, maybe they didn't see the notification, maybe they "don't use this app very much" - and maybe for… Continue reading 10 Things I’ve Learned About Dating at 25: Part 1
When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFxA-5cPWSI tw: suicidal ideation, trauma ...it feels like the end of the world It might show up as an onslaught of tears that just won't stop. It might mean numbness, spiralling, dissociation. It might mean navigating the world stone-faced, through a grey lens, unfocused but also hyperfocused: unfocused on the world around us but hyperfocused… Continue reading When Attachment Trauma Is Triggered…
Life Update
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZQzrqc9Uk8&ab_channel=HomeworkRadio What's new: I'm seeing someone, kindaI'm tired almost all the time (see below)I most likely have coeliac diseaseI'm about halfway through finishing my debut EP and first project as philomenahI broke up with my therapistI'm considering switching anti-depressants About the guy I'm seeing: he's not perfect. But he is lovely. Some things about him… Continue reading Life Update
Dating With Depression?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTDHobyS_DQ&ab_channel=HomeworkRadio Today I want to discuss the idea that you should wait until you're in a "good place" before you enter into relationship with someone else, and the degree to which this is an ableist perspective in the context of mental illness. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d6/13/2b/d6132b67bed66308b8b5d40206996799.gif I'm fairly happy being single at the moment. I feel as if… Continue reading Dating With Depression?
A Reintroduction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJew8Mvgau0&ab_channel=HomeworkRadio Not sure how to begin this blog post but I now go under the handle of ph!lomenah! This blog used to be called SMUT. and Self Esteem and it's now ph!lomenah's safe space. My stage name as a musician used to be SMUT. and now it's...you get the gist. I decided it fairly spontaneously… Continue reading A Reintroduction
Dating + Accountability
Instead of always focusing on why the men I attract cannot meet my needs, today I am going to hold my hands up and admit that I attract emotionally unavailable people and explore why. I listened to a podcast the other day with Mark Groves and Damona Hoffman. Damona is a dating coach and specialises… Continue reading Dating + Accountability
Conscious Avoidance
At work this week, the topic of relationships came up and I mentioned to a colleague that I wanted to stay single for 2 years. One pharmacist I was working with overheard me and seemed aghast, gasping: "That's so sad!" "Not as sad as being a relationship that makes you miserable," I replied, defending my… Continue reading Conscious Avoidance
Three Weeks On Sertraline
Trigger warning: suicidal ideation and self-injury It's been over three weeks now since I started taking sertraline, an SSRI anti-depressant. Also known as Zoloft and Lustral amongst other things. In my last blog post, I ran over the initial side effects and how it felt during the adjustment period. Now I feel as if those… Continue reading Three Weeks On Sertraline
First Week On Sertraline
I've written fairly extensively about my qualms about anti-depressive treatment. I won't go into depth now but I've written about it here and here. Not so long ago, I was feeling particularly resistant about taking them; maybe partly because my depressive illness had gotten so bad that I knew I might have to. But for… Continue reading First Week On Sertraline
So Filled With Beauty, So Filled With Pain
The past couple of days I have felt very open to emotional experience and very willing to love. I worked in a very hectic pharmacy yesterday, and with a pharmacist who had a somewhat bad reputation within the company. She was obsessive, eccentric, intellectually-preocuppied, highly methodical and certainly neurotic. But she was also intensely likeable.… Continue reading So Filled With Beauty, So Filled With Pain
philomenah's safe space 
